I’ve come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer, mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to make you restless so you can never relax! I want you to be nervous and jumpy and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable, so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be confused and depressed so that you can’t think clearly or positively. I want you to hate everything – especially YOURSELF, I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things that you have done in the past and that you’ll never be able to let go of.
I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way things are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your alcoholism for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful, and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid. I want you to be fearful and paranoid for no reason at all. I want you to wake up all hours of the night and scream for me! I’m even in your dreams!
I want to be the first thing you wake up to in the morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I’ll be happy to put you back in the hospital, another institution, or jail. But you know that I’ll be waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see the physical damage that I’m causing you. I can’t help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake. When you freeze and sweat at the same time, and when you wake with your sheets and blankets soaking wet. It’s amusing to watch you make love to the toilet bowl…heaving and retching and not able to hold me down. It’s amazing how much you sacrifice for me.
The countless jobs you’ve sacrificed for me. All the friends you deeply cared for – you gave up for me, and what’s more the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions – I’m even more grateful.
And especially – Your Loved Ones – Your Family, the most important people in the world to you – you even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitude I have for the loyalty that you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend.
For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more from you.
You can depend on me to keep you in living hell – to keep you – Mind, Body, and Soul – For I will not be satisfied until you are DEAD, my friend.
